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Worst/best Dad jokes


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At the behest of @Liz here – and to give an outlet to those of us who can’t resist the need to have fun with puns, I hereby declare the Dad joke smackdown open...

 

Why did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing

 

Come on Typeform community, do your worst…

 

 


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I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

 

 

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I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

 

 

🤦‍♂️Plus all the good chemistry jokes argon

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@ryan.terry 

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Oh man, I had a whole ton of dad jokes stored in Microsoft Office, but I cant find it!

 

I’ll find it though, you have my Word. 

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Do you like chimney jokes? I have a whole stack of them! 

 

First one’s on the house. 

 

@ish 

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Oh boy! Where to begin…

 

 

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Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who was always working out?

He's Thor

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Six thirty is the best time on a clock.

Hands down!

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Oh man, I had a whole ton of dad jokes stored in Microsoft Office, but I cant find it!

 

I’ll find it though, you have my Word. 

 

Microsoft eh? You must be pretty good at spreadsheets… In fact, I would say you may even Excel!

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In the Olympic spirit

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

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Ok ok, I have one! :eyes:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera. :sweat_smile:

We should create a poll to vote on the best one of the week! Haha.

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In the Olympic spirit

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!


This one made me snicker @john.desborough :joy:


If we’re going sporty...

Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

 

@Gabi Amaral - great idea! Let’s do this :white_check_mark:  Maybe we can create a new badge for the winners called “mirthmasters” or “cheeky punsters”. 

 

 

 

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@James -- speaking of a snicker.. 

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers. 

and even though it is not yet 7am here, I will blame that one on the 3rd coffee of the day - the Canada v US women’s football match started at 4am and i was streaming the game alongside my workspace.. 

 

@Gabi Amaral - i like @James suggestion about the badge but i think it would have to have a Monty Python theme.. 

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Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer!

travesty

des

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That’s immeasurably bad news @john.desborough . But count yourself lucky, a furniture shop keeps on phoning me up. All I wanted was one nightstand. 

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Talking about one nightstand, I heard oxygen and potassium went for a date and it is totally OK…

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Saw this one at lunchtime today…
 

 

This cafe should be shut down 🤦

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@James - I agree that the cafe has issues.. they should probably turn out the lights, that might solve the problem. 

 

 

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@James @ish @Gabi Amaral @ryan.terry @Paulo @Liz @Gabriel 

I’m going off on vacation for a week but i wanted to throw the gauntlet down before i left.. 

I told this to my older kids (the ones who are now 30 and 25) about 15 years ago: 

"Hey, guys, I accidentally handed your mom a glue stick instead of a ChapStick.

She still isn't talking to me."

 

even THEY liked that one.. 

 

y’all hold the fort while some of us are away enjoying vacays!

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Enjoy your hols, Des. I’m back after a 2week break and batteries seem full at the moment :D

This will be my first Dad joke here :sunglasses:

--

How much does a roof cost?

Nothing, it’s on the house

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Enjoy your break @john.desborough :sunglasses: Looks like we’re “stuck” with @Gabriel  to entertain the troops here. Just joking Gabriel, it’s great to have you back, thatchually :smile:

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It’s been too long, @ryan.terry , we need a dad joke!

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@Liz @James - today’s dad joke is brought to you by seeing a clip of Mr Bean on vacation in the US 

 

  • What do you call it when an angry musician flips someone off? A song bird
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@john.desborough 

https://media.giphy.com/media/8kUINu7qyHB8Q/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47hns5slhvqjctrb8bgfut5vd2642z2bblq2oih2de&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

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This one was inspired by @Liz  while she was enjoying some amazing Portuguese seafood in her recent visit to Ramiro, in Lisbon! :flag_pt:

Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish! :rofl:

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