Worst/best Dad jokes

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

🤦‍♂️Plus all the good chemistry jokes argon

@ryan.terry 

Oh man, I had a whole ton of dad jokes stored in Microsoft Office, but I cant find it!

I’ll find it though, you have my Word. 

Do you like chimney jokes? I have a whole stack of them! 

First one’s on the house. 

@ish 

Oh boy! Where to begin…

 

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who was always working out?

He's Thor

Six thirty is the best time on a clock.

Hands down!

Microsoft eh? You must be pretty good at spreadsheets… In fact, I would say you may even Excel!

In the Olympic spirit

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

Ok ok, I have one! 

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera. 

We should create a poll to vote on the best one of the week! Haha.

This one made me snicker @john.desborough 

If we’re going sporty...

Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

@Gabi Amaral - great idea! Let’s do this   Maybe we can create a new badge for the winners called “mirthmasters” or “cheeky punsters”. 

@James -- speaking of a snicker.. 

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers. 

and even though it is not yet 7am here, I will blame that one on the 3rd coffee of the day - the Canada v US women’s football match started at 4am and i was streaming the game alongside my workspace.. 

@Gabi Amaral - i like @James suggestion about the badge but i think it would have to have a Monty Python theme.. 

Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer!

travesty

des

That’s immeasurably bad news @john.desborough . But count yourself lucky, a furniture shop keeps on phoning me up. All I wanted was one nightstand. 

Talking about one nightstand, I heard oxygen and potassium went for a date and it is totally OK…

Saw this one at lunchtime today…
 

This cafe should be shut down 🤦

@James - I agree that the cafe has issues.. they should probably turn out the lights, that might solve the problem. 

@James @ish @Gabi Amaral @ryan.terry @Paulo @Liz @Gabriel 

I’m going off on vacation for a week but i wanted to throw the gauntlet down before i left.. 

I told this to my older kids (the ones who are now 30 and 25) about 15 years ago: 

"Hey, guys, I accidentally handed your mom a glue stick instead of a ChapStick.

She still isn't talking to me."

even THEY liked that one.. 

y’all hold the fort while some of us are away enjoying vacays!

Enjoy your hols, Des. I’m back after a 2week break and batteries seem full at the moment :D

This will be my first Dad joke here 

--

How much does a roof cost?

Nothing, it’s on the house

Enjoy your break @john.desborough  Looks like we’re “stuck” with @Gabriel  to entertain the troops here. Just joking Gabriel, it’s great to have you back, thatchually 

It’s been too long, @ryan.terry , we need a dad joke!

@Liz @James - today’s dad joke is brought to you by seeing a clip of Mr Bean on vacation in the US 

• What do you call it when an angry musician flips someone off? A song bird

@john.desborough 

https://media.giphy.com/media/8kUINu7qyHB8Q/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47hns5slhvqjctrb8bgfut5vd2642z2bblq2oih2de&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

This one was inspired by @Liz  while she was enjoying some amazing Portuguese seafood in her recent visit to Ramiro, in Lisbon! 

Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!